Latvian immigrant Erika Rudasha on how she feels spending her first Christmas in emergency B&B accommodation in Sussex with her four-year-old daughter
This time last year, I had just moved to the UK from Latvia. I have a four-year-old daughter, Evelina, and there's discrimination against single mothers there. I hadn't been able to get a permanent job and I don't have any family, so we'd been homeless and moving between crisis centres.
I've studied PR and journalism, and worked as an artist. The plan was to come to the UK, find a good job – or start my own business – and make a home for my daughter. It hasn't worked out like that. I stayed with a friend for three months before being offered accommodation. However, the landlord had drinking problems, turned violent and tried to sexually abuse me. We had to return to my friend's flat. Finally, in June, I found a room to rent, borrowed money, and stayed there until November, when we were given notice.
The council has now placed us in a B&B. We've been moved from Chichester to Worthing, which is two hours from Evelina's school. We set off at 6am, then I rush to my cleaning jobs, pick up Evelina, and we don't get home until 6pm. There's just time for Evelina to eat before bed. There's no time for homework or playing. She used to complain about walking long distances, but these days she never complains about anything. She is being very brave.
This isn't a B&B as you'd know it. It's a shelter for homeless people. We have one room with a double bed, a shower and a sink. There is no table, so we eat on the floor. The toilet is shared, and one night we bumped into a drunk man with a gash on his head, which was frightening for Evelina. We've been told we won't have to stay for more than six weeks, but one woman has been here for 15 months with her two-year-old. I'm scared we will be forgotten.
I am grateful we have a roof over our heads, but it is tough. We live on ready meals. We can't stay a night with friends, because the council will say we're not really homeless. I don't know what we'll do for Christmas. I hope we won't be in the B&B, but that's unlikely. Before Evelina came along, I never had Christmas. I had a single mum and a home, but it wasn't a family. Now Evelina and I are family and we have our own traditions. But I haven't found that Christmas feeling this year. I don't want to decorate our room, because I hope we won't be here. We've been given a tiny tree and a couple of candles.
My biggest task is making sure my daughter does get that Christmas feeling. There are times I want to cry, but I try to turn our situation into a fairytale, so Evelina doesn't know the reality. At dinner, she likes to pretend we're on a picnic. She puts out the plates, lights the candles and puts the tree in the middle so it looks nice. I've bought her a few presents, and we are writing her letter to Father Christmas. She said she will need "many, many pieces of paper" to write what she wants.
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Guardian